Children In The Middle

I was a child in "The Middle"  at one point, that scares me tremendously.  Not that children in The Middle have anything wrong with them, other than the fact that 1/4 teenage girls in the middle have HPV, 1/5 will have a child in their teens also, most 14 year olds  in The Middle already consume more narcotics than the average struggling musician. Otherwise I think that the children are very normal, just slightly misguided. As we speak (or I type), I am hovering over my ten year old cousin who currently has a D in his 5th grade reading class. Right? If you have read this far you have passed 5th grade reading. I never really understood it, he's smart, creative and funny, with a slightly messed up home life. He should be a Pulitzer Prize winning author by now! Anyway, I just realized what exactly life in the middle does to a person. I told my cousin, I am NOT going to get you McDonald's until you have read at least three more chapters. To which he replied, "Donkey."
"What?" I asked
"I'm talking about you in my secret language, Donkey."
"Secret Language?"
"Yeah, Donkey"
"Jackass." I said, without looking up from my computer.
 He sat back for a moment, then buried his head in his book. "Lucky guess, Female Dog."
"Bitch."
"How did you know?"
"I'm not incompetent."
He paused, "What does that mean?"
"It means that you are."
"Uhhg, beaver's house."
"Damn."
"AHHH! I hate you! Opposite of duck."
" Come on,That makes absolutely no sense!"
"You're just jealous because that fancy school in Chicago didn't teach you that!"
"Shut up and read, Hillbilly!"

TO DO LIST:
Move Somewhere That Sucks
Start Blog that No One Reads
Move To :Larger City Before Procreating