Living here is hard, there are no people, there are not adequate restaurants, no decent employment oporitunities and all the parks are closed for winter. Nothing to do you get your mind off the worldsuckage. I mean since the New Year the VlogBrothers only make two vids a week, HOW WILL I EVER SURVIVE?!
Answer: Booze.
Booze helps, last nigth after watching my family gorge on fried country steak and lard thick gravy sauce (I stuck to my Slim Fast[Happy Fucking New Year]), I cracked open a wine cooler.
Flavor: Jamaican Me Happy (I don't think that ACTUALLY a normal flavor of anything, but the title was fitting). Then another Jamaican Me Happy, and another then a Coors Light (because that's all that was left, I had lost my tastebuds at that point). As I lay sprawled out on the floor at 9:30pm, moaning as one of the cats licked my face, I wonered "HOW COULD THIS POSSIBLY GET WORSE?" Just then my Grandma asked me if I was watching the television, I didn't answer.
"Well, your eyes are closed, so your probably not."
So she started narrating everything what was happening on Whitney. "Haha, she got a dog, it has an I.V. and a cone around it's neck!"
"UUUUUUGGGHHH" I moaned, which was cave drunk speak for, 'Whitney Cummings has become seriously less funny since this show started, I'm drunk and sleepy please stop making this experience worse for me.'
"I know!" She wailed, "It's so funny! Oh! They're trying to play fetch with the dog! It's not moving! Hahaha."
"MMMMUUUHH!" = 'I couldn't care less, really. '
"Oh, hahahha, it just died!"
"Muggggglaaaaaa." = 'Well thank, God for that."
Then I fell asleep and woke up 4 hour later with a cat on my face. So I realized, as long as you wait, and live through whatever worldsuck is going on right then, you can look back and laugh at it, or cry, I'm doing both.
...God my head hurts.
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